Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she woke up with a sticky ear
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
