Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
