I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
