I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
