You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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