There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
God, I missed his penis.
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