so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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