Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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