I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
