So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
