When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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