I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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