TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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