Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
