ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Houston, we have a blender
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
