I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
