My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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