I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
