I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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