im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
