I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
