ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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