do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
