I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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