we have pet lesbian snakes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
