can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can I color on your dick again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
