I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
