i think i have herpe
just one?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize