I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
