it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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