I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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