he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
