But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
