I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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