YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
