My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
