you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
