I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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