I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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