puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
