I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
