I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
