Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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