Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
