This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
