he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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