Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
