Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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