You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
