why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
