Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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