Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
