Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
