You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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