i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
