Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
