i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
