Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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