I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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