how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
