I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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