you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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