singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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