I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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