Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
